Merry Snap
by Obsian Caetus
Summary: Making her Champion had been the gravest mistake Meredith could make in her life.


_**A/N** : Another silly prompt for Aeowyn99 that I did months ago and forgot about it. Normally, I don't like Meredith but this was pretty fun to write and it's made me want to explore Meredith a little more._

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"Hawke, one of these days, Meredith is gonna run her sword right up your ass if you keep trying her patience." Varric sighed as they walked through the square.

"But she makes it so easy Varric. I can't help it. The way she crinkles her brow, her face getting redder than a tomato." Hawke laughed with that wicked grin on her face.

"I'd rather not see you strung up in the Gallows." The dwarf mumbled, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

"Well, I didn't ask her to make me Champion of Kirkwall but she did and Meredith can't do shit because of it. Needling her is just way too much fun." She laughed.

They kept walking, occasionally stopping at a stall to inspect the wares on display. Hawke ended up picking up a fresh peach, flipping the merchant a coin. Varric was scribbling notes in his pocket journal as they walked, brow furrowed in thought. Hawke often wondered if he was jotting down every little detail about her life for his book. She knew he was working on a biography focused on her and her adventures since fleeing Lothering during the Fifth Blight. It'd be nice to have an epic people would read for years to come, like the great Hero of Ferelden.

She smirked, wondering if Meredith was sitting in her office, seething about making her Champion. Crow's feet developing in the corner of her eyes. Grinding her teeth, cracking her knuckles… swearing at the very thought of Hawke. She wasn't sure why she got a kick out of it, but Meredith annoyed the hell out of her and she had made it a hobby of mercilessly tormenting the Knight-Commander.

"Speak of the Maker… look who's out and about." Hawke grinned, give Varric a playful nudge on the shoulder.

"Oh no, Hawke... idiot." Varric sighed, seeing Knight-Commander Meredith entering the square when he looked up.

Knight-Commander Meredith was escorted by two Templars, as per usual. It seemed like the stoic and temperamental woman had yet to spot Hawke, which, of course, was not an opportunity she was going to squander. Varric was about to say something, but he was already too late. Hawke immediately ducked behind a stall and vanished. He rolled his eyes again and went to find a spot where he could blend in and observing the upcoming altercation between Templar and Champion. Maybe Meredith would actually wipe that smug smile off the woman's face this time… he'd probably put that in the book anyway. Pile on the tension and drama.

Hawke casually approached Meredith from the side, an apple in hand. The Templars with her didn't notice her because she was behind their field of view, a smirk plastered on her face.

"Afternoon Merry. Lovely day today, right?" She greeted loudly, delighting in the slight cringe in the Knight-Commander's shoulders.

Meredith scowled as she, slowly turned, glaring at the grinning idiot of a Champion standing behind her. She should have never given her that title but after her bravery fighting the Arishok in single combat and killing him, she didn't have much choice. All of Kirkwall had eyes on her and looked up to Hawke as their hero. There was no way around it.

"Is there something I could do for you today, Champion?" Meredith said through clenched teeth.

"I'm just saying hi. You looked so serious, you should lighten up. I can see the Crow's Feet in the corner of your eyes." Hawke retorted in jest, taking a large bite of her apple and chewing quite loudly and obnoxiously.

"I have business to attend to today, Champion, so if you excuse me…" Meredith started to turn away in hopes of getting away from Hawke as quickly as possible.

"More maleficar hunting? How's that going? It seems like that's all anyone can talk about lately since the Qunari left." She drawled, following after her.

"I am doing my duty to protect Kirkwall and ensure the people's safety… as you are supposed to instead of heckling me every chance you get." The Templar commander retorted wearily, clenching her jaw for a moment.

"The people are fine and happy, can't you see? Peace and quiet now that the qunari are gone. You really should try to take a day off." Hawke pressed, taking another loud bite of her apple.

Meredith grumbled something under her breath as she continued to walk, refusing to look at the insufferable woman keeping pace with her. Acknowledging her existence any further would just encourage her. She was hoping Hawke would, eventually, get bored and wander off to do whatever it was she did with her free time.

"Templars do not take a day off," Meredith growled, her patience starting to thin.

"You should. Go to the beach, get some sun. Would do wonders for your complexion, Merry."

"Don't call me that." The Templar growled testily.

"Nah, I like it. Meredith is too much of a mouthful and hey, we're buddies aren't we? Fought side by side only a couple of months ago." Hawke grinned smugly.

"No, we are not friends or buddies or comrades-in-arms. You are distracting me."

"There's no maleficar in Hightown… unless you're on your way to Lowtown or the beaches. Might have better luck there."

The Knight-Commander's glove created as she clenched her jaw, her temper starting to get the best of her. Many a time had she thought of just rounding on Hawke and punching her in her smart-aleck mouth, maybe knock one of her perfect teeth down her throat. Maker, she hated this woman, but she couldn't raise a hand against her. She had just as much influence, if not more, as herself. Without a Viscount, they both shared the political power here in Kirkwall and Meredith did not like that one bit. The woman, as obnoxious as she was, was also quite intelligent. At least with Dumar, the man was too afraid to try and cross her. There was too much of the Amells showing in that insufferable woman for her to just kick her out of town or tie rocks to her feet and throw her in the bay.

"You know, we should go for drinks. Not at the hoity-toity bars around here. The Hanged Man is a perfect place to loosen that stick up your ass." Hawke smirked, getting bolder with her jabs.

"I'd sooner fall on my sword than be caught in that seedy place you are so fond of. The Champion socializing with low-lifers and criminals is not an example to set for the rest of Kirkwall." Meredith chided, inhaling and exhaling sharply through her nose.

"Oh, don't be like that. I bet you're a riot when you've got a few ales down your gullet. Isabela can teach you how to play Wicked Grace."

"I'll arrest that woman if she's anywhere near me. It's her fault the qunari were here in the first place." The Templar growled, a pink tint starting to come to her throat as he temper started getting out of her control.

"Fair enough. We could go to one of those Hightown places then, split a bottle of wine, discuss potential candidates for the Viscount position. We should probably fill that soon though I hate talking about politics." Hawke suggested, just twisting the knife now.

"There will be time to discuss that matter later, once the issues at the Circle are set to rest. Kirkwall is still recovering from the damage of the qunari and that should be your focus."

"I'm not much of a carpenter or a mason. My particular set of skills is more suited for dealing with the evil doers you or the city guard can't handle." The Champion teased.

Meredith's temper was getting the better of her and she had to fight the urge to turn and punch her. Striking the Champion of Kirkwall in front of the entire city. That would reflect very poorly on her and she'd get arrested. It agitated her that Hawke was best friends with the Captain of the Guard, though she admired Aveline to a degree. She was nigh incorruptible and she cleaned up the corruption in the city guard within a few short weeks. Recruiting the firey-haired Ferelden into the Templars had crossed her mind a few times but that woman was doing quite well with the city guard and as long as they left her alone, she would leave them alone.

"This has been an enlightening conversation, but surely you must have something better to do aside from harassing me? Like spreading your legs for that apostate or whichever of your companions you're having an affair with currently." Meredith sniffed.

"Anders? Whatever gave you the idea I was sleeping with him or any of my friends for that matter? You have someone following me again? If so, they're doing a piss-poor job." Hawke laughed, giving one of the Templar escorts a firm slap on the back, rattling his armor.

"I don't really care to be honest. Just go away."

"I thought we were really getting to know each other, Merry. Surely you…" Hawke started to say.

She couldn't take it anymore. Something in Meredith just snapped, her face red as she rounded on Hawke, fist clenched as she grabbed the insufferably irritating woman before her. The look of pure, unadulterated shock and surprise filled Meredith with a sense of joy she hadn't felt in a long time. The feel of punching her was even better. The two Templars just stood there in complete shock, a crowd of onlookers quickly gathering as the Knight-Commander beat the Champion of Kirkwall's face into a bloody…

"Stop! Just… stop." Cassandra sighed wearily, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Oh, come on Seeker, we were just getting to the best part!" Varric protested.

"Knight-Commander Meredith did not simply snap and beat the Champion within an inch of her life! I told you no exaggerating the truth. You didn't even put that into the book!" The Nevarrian growled wit her arms crossed over her chest.

"You have no appreciation for theatrical dramatics. She did call Meredith 'Merry' constantly though. I suppose, in the end, the Knight-Commander did snap but I'm not too that point just yet. Hawke sure loved agitating her."

"It's a wonder they didn't kill each other. Now, continue with the facts, or that knife won't be going in the book next time."


End file.
